those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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