if you like me you must not know who I am
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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