I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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