Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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