Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
