It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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