I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
