A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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