I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
