For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
