Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
