Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
