I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
