my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
