So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
