don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
