I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
