I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
