I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
