i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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