we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
