so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
