you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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