Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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