I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
