Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
