His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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