I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
