Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
