Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
