The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
smell my finger.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
