i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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