Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
