I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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