Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
