I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
