My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
