I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
