They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
