Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
