but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
