the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
