I got chris browned last night
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
