Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
