go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My life is pants optional.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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