bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
