You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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