Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
