so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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