I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
