Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
